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 Ryan Ridge



About Horses Again

I LIVE MY LIFE in acronyms. SAT. ACT. LOL. AWOL. I like my haircut better than both General Grant and General Lee’s. There’s nothing happy about birthdays. Cake is a lie. Time is an illusion. My switchblade made me the person I am today. I already ate the apple and swallowed the pill and now I wish someone would tell me more about Edgar Cayce. High school is something you study about when you’re high. Any knowledge is power and redefining that power only makes you stronger. Come with me to my kitchen to eat some delicious organic fruit. I once found myself in a besieged cinema with William Tell. I do not appreciate poetry. I need Viagra. I don't want to talk about religion. I want to talk about sex. Sex is the best. Nirvana is a band, not enlightenment. I enjoy taking narcotics. The point of life is to live. It doesn’t bother me to spend holidays alone but the word “does” does bother me. Accentuate the positive––that's what I always say. I’d like to forget my time in India. I’d say machine guns entitle people to their own opinions. When no one is at the helm directions mean nothing. I live in San Diego. I like horseshoes but I can’t stand horses. I don't know anything about boats. I am not here. I am a mirror. The poor are boring, but boredom is the subtle prompting of the Absolute that points the Self towards enlightenment. Gardens sound revolutionary these days. There isn’t much I can say about the revolution. It was a long time ago. In politics the dog is in the smoke. It is winter here and it is still hot. It is always winter. There are only 100 Dalmatians left on earth. I’d rather be beaten by God for a change. John Dillinger is the smartest man who ever died. Every day is a cakewalk. I am a girl so I don’t make many typing mistakes. First I am a girl, then I am a guy. I’m not an animal. I’m a human being. I could talk to a whore for ages! Lake Michigan is when you mess with someone psychologically. I’ve never bred mice but I occasionally breed horses. I like tar a lot. My favorite game is a game called Cowboys & Indians. There is nothing to lose. There is nothing to gain. If we lose something, it is hidden nearby. If we gain something, it was there from the beginning. Speaking of jokes, every time a man walks into a bar someone somewhere laughs. I’m thinking about horses again. My heart is a broken record. The tough are always going somewhere. Last night I dreamed the tooth fairy was my landlord. I’m a professional bodybuilder. Isaac Newton invented horses. The devil wears a blue dress and makes work for idle hands. I am my own worst enemy. An insomniac never rests. I refuse to talk about chalk. Talk is cheap. Chalk is cheaper. To me it seems a miracle that my mind is independent of the substrate it is mounted in. Tomorrow is today tomorrow. Today is tomorrow’s yesterday. When Debbie does Dallas it is a hot and unpleasant place to be from the beginning all the way past the finish line.


[Note: These pieces were generated by posing the questions from Padgett Powell's Interrogative Mood to a trio of internet chatbots: Cleverbot, Brother Jerome, and Sensation Bot respectively.]



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